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June 1, 2014

I love speaking on the secrets of lifelong passion and sexual intimacy, because there is so much misinformation about it in our culture. Every time I address this topic with an audience, I start by establishing a few core beliefs that are essential to building a foundation for sexual intimacy in marriage.

These beliefs are reflected in the acronym TRUE.

T = The Bible is relevant and authoritative in my life. The Bible is under attack in America and around the world, but regardless of what anyone says, I believe the Bible is true for our lives. It’s our standard of deciding right from wrong.

The Bible says that adultery is wrong and sex outside of marriage is wrong. Period. It says sin doesn’t work. But it also says that God created sex. He’s a good God, and He created it to be good. He created it for us to enjoy in marriage.

R = Reality. Reality is different from what secular television, movies, magazines, and the Internet tell us. In those places, sexual immorality gets glamorized. What doesn’t get shown is the aftermath: the disease, the shame, the heartache, the broken families that result from sin.

U = Unmet Needs. When we withhold sexual affection from our spouse, we open the door for the devil to attack our marriage. Why? Because we are leaving unmet needs on the table. In 1 Corinthians 7:3, Paul writes, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”

When we get married, we give our body to our spouse. It’s no longer ours alone. That means we do not withhold it from each other as punishment, or to teach him or her a lesson. Giving your body to a spouse isn’t a license for abuse, but for use. It says, “This is yours, and I’ll never give it to someone else.”

E = Each of us has what the other needs. If we will serve the other, our marriage will flourish. We can’t meet our own needs—if we could, we wouldn’t have gotten married. What I need from Karen is different than what she needs from me, but we both need each other.

One of my favorite illustrations of this isn’t biblically accurate, but it makes a great point. Imagine that Heaven and Hell both have huge, identical banquet tables. The tables are filled with delicious foods. People are sitting at both tables with utensils strapped to their hands. Everyone is hungry. The food smells delicious.

But the utensils are too long for the people to feed themselves. They can scoop the food but can’t get it to their mouths.

In Hell, the people are so selfish that they keep trying to scoop the food and feed themselves, but they can’t. So they starve.

In Heaven, the people begin scooping food and feeding each other across the table. It’s wonderful, it’s nourishing, and everyone enjoys the banquet.

You can have a Heaven marriage or a Hell marriage. You can starve while trying to feed yourself, or you can flourish by feeding your spouse. The best marriage is two people serving each other and meeting each other’s needs.

I believe you won’t find lifelong passion, deep intimacy, and fulfilling sex within your marriage until you discover these truths.

For more about this topic, watch this week’s show!

Blessings, Jimmy Evans

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